Too many forgotten days!

I’m a massive fan of TED (http://www.ted.com). Some of the featured talks are real life-changers and I was lucky enough to stumble across one this week that had a massive impact.

It reminded me of an uncomfortable moment a few years ago when the eldest of my three children was moments away from leaving home to go to university. The first of our offspring was flying the nest!!!

I suddenly found myself staring at her with a sense of growing panic – I remembered her being eight and there she was, a glowing 18 year old. How on earth had that happened so quickly and, more importantly, where I had been all that time?

Throughout all those years I may have been listening but was I hearing? I may have been watching but was I seeing? Sure, I’d been busy earning a living and all that goes with it but what had I missed?

I set my intention at that moment to be more ‘present’, mindful and aware for the sake of the children I still had at home. I’d like to think that I have succeeded in getting better, at least a little, at seeing and hearing.

But what else have I missed? How many events and magic moments are never registered; how many days and experiences forgotten completely?

I guess that as you get older, you become more aware of the finite nature of life. You become more conscious of wanting to make the most of the time you have and remember more of the good bits.

Cesar Kuriyama has clearly had a similar experience and in his superb TED talk - http://www.ted.com/talks/cesar_kuriyama_one_second_every_day - he explains how he now takes one second of video each and every day to remind him of the day and help him focus on its highlights.

I decided to do the same, though with camera and iphone stills, rather than footage. It has been a revelation. I’ve discovered that this one daily image has immense power.

It gives me a sense of continuity, a feeling that I’m living a fuller life and a much greater awareness of time. I guess it makes me stop and think about what I’ve been doing, be more aware of people and places and appreciate the good bits more. Give it a try!

Meet one of my heroes...

I’ve always thought it a privilege to have opportunities to spend time with like-minded people. I’ve been lucky enough in the last ten days to be with a few of them.

They’re authentic, generous of spirit and loyal. They’re all people I look up to and who have made my life and the lives of others that much better. I want to introduce you to one of them.

I was at school with Dave Beevers. We worked in journalism together and we’ve both shared some ups and downs. He’s a creative force, a brilliant writer and possesses one of the sharpest senses of humour ever. We laugh a lot together.

He’ll forgive me for sharing that he was never the fittest, most exercise conscious or lightest of human beings but in the last twelve months, he lost more than five stones, competed in half and full marathons and has become one of the fittest people I know. This weekend he'll participate in the Rotterdam Marathon.

Until few short months ago, he had never learned to swim or even ride a bike. He’s now competing in triathlons and his goal is to compete in an Iron Man event. If you care to look that up you’ll see that it ranks amongst one of the toughest organised physical challenges of their kind.

What a transformation. All this is achieved under the banner of Running with Diane. It’s Dave’s tribute to his beloved wife whom he lost to breast cancer in February two years ago. Her memory, personality and love drive him, inspire him and help him in all these impressive endeavours.

Having lost his anchor, and to some extent his reason for living, he’s found a new purpose and is achieving what we all want -  the feeling that we’re making a real difference.

Dave was 24 stone when Diane died. He joined a local gym in April 2013 and went on to lose eight stones in 12 months, weighing in at 16st when he ran the Rotterdam and Liverpool marathons last year.

If you want to be moved with some great writing, and perhaps spare him a thought - or something more tangible - take a look at http://runningwithdiane.blogspot.co.uk or better still, https://www.justgiving.com/rotterdamdavehttps://www.justgiving.com/rotterdamdave

This bit of inspiration is taken from one of his blogs:

‘Change your mindset and suddenly what you are capable of becomes an unknown. And that’s the exciting bit. When you stop saying ‘I can’t’ and start asking, ‘I wonder if...’ that’s the adventure there, in a nutshell. The shackles come off, your self-deprecation evaporates and you start to think of what might be.

Look up and not down, ahead and not behind. Don’t let how you are determine how you will be. You have no idea how far, how long or how high you can reach because you haven’t tried to find out yet.

When you start to dream, simply start to imagine how much better you could be than you are today, that’s when you feel the irresistible urge to get off the sofa. And that’s when you know you’ve conquered the most difficult part of all: reaching the start line.’

When words aren't enough...

When words aren’t enough

Our overuse of superlatives sometimes leaves us grasping for words that can adequately convey what we want to say. What happens when I experience something that really is ‘awesome’? If ever I needed a better word, it was today.

This doesn’t make easy reading and it wasn’t easily listening but the experience of a tour of Claire House Children’s Hospice at the invitation of the wonderful Amanda Mitchell really does deserve a better word than awesome.

Right now, as I write this, there’s a young couple from Merseyside saying their intensely personal goodbyes to their stillborn daughter.

What was supposed to become one of the happiest of all life events ended in the unexpected shock and unmitigated tragedy of the baby dying in her mother’s womb as she approached full term. And that after months of growing expectation and preparation by family and friends for a completely different outcome.

There are two incredible spaces at Claire House called Butterfly Suites where bereaved parent and their close relatives have all the facilities, privacy, dignity, specialist support and, perhaps most important of all, the time they need to begin to come to terms as best they can with what has happened.

They are able to say their goodbyes, over several days, with hugs, words, photos and the opportunity to take treasured memories such handprints and footprints. Precious time together.

This particular family had no previous connection with Claire House but was referred by a caring hospital doctor – apparently not many are aware of the superb end of life facilities that Claire House offers. The alternative? Probably the best they could have hoped for was an hour’s visiting slot at a local undertaker’s chapel of rest.

It was moving, amazing, incredible to think that this heartbreaking scenario was being played out while we were in the building.

Claire House is a place for the support and end of life are for children and teenagers with life-limiting conditions. There’s seldom a happy ending and yet I have never seen so many smiling people in one place who derive massive satisfaction simply from using their skills and time to make a difference to those young people. As one of the team told us, it’s sometimes the little things that make the biggest difference.

The place is bright, filled with love and some superb facilities all designed to provide comfort, enjoyment, sensations, experiences and above all, happy memories.

We all know about hospices and many of us have visited friends and loved ones there but if we’re honest, they're not places we like to keep front of mind.

Our tour was as harrowing an experience as it was inspiring and uplifting. This is a place full of smiles and optimism, brimming with love and dedication.

Listening to the professionals when they speak of the joy of being part of giving young people and their families special memories is really humbling.  Goodness only knows the price these people pay for the emotionally challenging work they do. Awesome doesn't come close.

I’ve always thought it not much short of a scandal that such places have to rely on the generosity of companies and individuals for donations to sustain their work. Given their massive contribution to society, they deserve proper Government funding.

I was struck by how grateful the team is to do what they do; time and again we were thanked for the interest we’d show by just turning up for a tour.

It’s not the easiest of visits but it’s certainly one of the most emotional and thought-provoking. Go and see for yourselves and then tell others what you’ve seen.